a corner of biscuits and warm tea

 
July has been feeling dreadfully long. The past weeks has been nothing but heatwaves during the day, I feel like I'm living in Hey, Arnold!'s episode, Heat. I ended up preparing most our dinners early in the day-- anything to prevent heat in the house. I have been fixing up variations of cold pasta salad. They're refreshing, well-balanced, inexpensive & super satisfying...I'm not sure how we didn't think of preparing pasta salads in the past. I know for sure having a Kewpie mayonnaise makes a whole wheat pasta noodles tastes a whole lot better. 

At least this month, Bern and I were able to cool off by seeing Greta Gerwig's Barbie movie at an *empty theater* during a quiet viewing hour-- we want to support writers, actors, & artists. As we're both familiar in the art& entertainment industry circle, we're amazed with the usage of practical effects, like painted backgrounds and silent-film style showcasing a moving vehicle. I thought Ryan Gosling's Ken was hilarious, he reminded me of Jack Black's Bowser from the Mario movie. Bern even agreed. 

My babysister (she's actually an adult btw), who is also a fan of Barbie, watched the movie as well and we ended up having a deep conversations about it. The movie made her cry, and I totally get why. For different reasons, we both experienced our childhood getting zapped out before middle school. It's not like our parents forced us to grow up fast, it's just when you're caught up with time, you're sucked into an environment that takes your imaginative play time away. 

Because we moved a lot, I ended up losing most of my dolls (Disney, Mattel, dollar store brands). I believe my most favorite of them all was a Barbie (or was it a Teresa doll?) that came with a blank denim jacket, and it came with embroidery gel. I remembered I even got better about keeping my dolls in decent shape when as I reached towards fourth grade-- I would put them back into my glass hutch after playing. I had a cousin who thought claimed that it was weird that I didn't let my sister (who was a baby at the time) play with it. My sister was still teething and I'm pretty sure it would kind of hazardous for her to play with them. Reflecting back, I concluded that my cousin wanted to play with them... and she didn't know how to express it considering that she was also going through a pre-teen developing stage. I think she used my baby sister as an excuse to get my dolls out. Also, our dad did our best to preserve some of our childhood stuff.  Before they disappeared, he was protective of my dolls *being out of my encased hutch* since I wasn't assertive about setting boundaries with my childhood toys when it comes to neighborhood friends. He was the same way with my sister's belongings, but this time, he was very *hardcore* about it. 

Unfortunately, I don't think some of the other people close to me were that great about letting me embrace my femineity in a way that was comfortable for me. It's like you have to be a *proper lady* but you cannot go full out glitter and lipstick. It took me some developing years to figure out what was right for me. 

Even after high school, when I fully embraced my doll-like fashion during my hipster years, I was still struggling with it back and forth. I remembered thinking how beautiful Zoey Deschanel looked in her vintage dresses and ribbons in her hair. She was technically indie Barbie for me. But in art school circles, people have argued that her look wasn't very "feminist" and she was childish to be rocking her pretty ribbons.T__T  Luckily, I ended up not giving into that afterall...got my cosmetology license the following year. Some of my fiercest colleagues ended up being people who were always covered in blings and sparkles. I am serious. 

 I still got most of my Pokemon cards and my sister still got some of her Barbie dolls (she took better care of them than I did & thanks to my dad). I was able to retrieve my childhood Happy Meal dolls from a second hand shop. Also, me being on the old web doing html is also part of it too! Seeing dollz around brings joy to my thirteen year old heart. Right now, I have my sister's unbuilt Gundam model.  We're hoping to have a holiday get together and build the model for the occasion. Once it gets on Blu-ray disc, maybe we'll be able to rewatch the Barbie movie together for Christmas? Whether you're a teen or a person pushing sixty, I guess the perks of growing old is that you will always get to go back to your playtime & make newer memories.  Also, if you're truly into the sparkly stuff..just go right ahead and get into it, life is way too short to not enjoy em'!